reflections from the orgasm atrium

When I woke up from my sleep all i could remember was the two black pillars floating in the dark       I went to the bathroom and stared in the mirror and the pillars were still there surrounding me but the darkness was illuminating the pillars in a bluish black         the image made my head ache and for the first waking  minutes of  the day I could not stop from seeing it    I could not fathom why the image was so strong and a flood of dread rushed over my body    I understood that the shock of awakening can stir emotions of dread sorrow and fear       or like a false memory viewed from a distance that becomes terrifying    and in the darkness i recognized the false memory of a violent act once commited   was this a false memory    or hallucination from decapitation       this moment from a train between new york and main that left a man beaten with a tire iron and left in a car in a train yard      and the men who witnessed it turned their backs and walked into the forest      in a sign of solidarity to the cicumstances    but also an abandonment of reason    the next day i went to the clinic and spoke to someone and had a good chat about empathy     then phenomenology and the religious experience and how the man i was speaking to once had a vision of being baptized in a river and could feel the water on his face and wash down his neck      and when lying on the bank of the river he felt the sun beat down on him and the rays made his blood boil and he like it   even now speaking about it his face began to sweet   but this man chose to be an atheist for he had an unconquered believe in science and a love for the burnt and decaying        the fosilised             the halogens                  the sea and salt                    and how he once had a son        and on the porch in the evening he would whisper ever violent act he knew into his ear      like violence was a virus       and he was copying its DNA   and releasing it into his sons brain          and When I left the office I found myself with no shape or form   I fell to the ground and slid my fingers   1   2    3  into my anus            and became a machine    an orgasm machine      and crawled across the grass    my face in the dirt       I crawled in pain and Ecstasy    i came upon a rock and I rubbed against it until I came       We now understand that plants cells communicate with one another and that rocks and other inanimate objects can have agency      but the lives of rocks are quiet different from humans                i placed the rock in my mouth        the orgasm machine body inverted its erection     the inside of my stomach became a topographical lasdscape      the rock had made it home      and into the night i crawled     under the stars and sky      an orgasm atrium was the earth